"The Mother of all Chain Letters..." 

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free 
M&M's (sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other 
people, celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in 
Roman numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a 
young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat 
in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, 
since as everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky 
Fried Chicken, which is why the government made them change 
their name to KFC). 

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he
 was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all 
over and when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY 
HAD BEEN STOLEN. He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" 
but he was afraid to use his phone because it was connected to 
his computer, and there was a virus on his computer that would
destroy his hard drive if he opened an email entitled "Join the 
crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer 
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster 
in which all of the computers get together and distribute the 
$250.00 Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill 
Gates. (It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from 
BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World 
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.) 

Anyhow, the poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to 
report his missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked 
him to press #90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access 
to the phone line at the guy's expense. Then reaching into the 
coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around 
which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS." 
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where 
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish 
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American 
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he 
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of 
x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it 
to more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for 10 people 
only you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10
people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). 

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but 
on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To 
be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as 
part of a gang initiation. 

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their junk mail, and you
will have Bugs Bunny dance across your screen (it really works, try 
it!) and your computer will print out a $20.00 coupon to Outback 
Steakhouse. If you don't, the owner of Proctor and Gamble will report 
you to his Satanist friends and you will have more bad luck: you will 
get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in your shampoo, your 
spouse/mate/gay lover will develop a skin rash from using the 
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S. 
government will put a tax on your e-mails forever. 

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet