1) Clean your emails! Do you forward email? Do you get a lot of forwards with all those annoying little carots in them??

>>> This
>>> >> is a
>>> pain
>>> >> in the
>>> butt
>>> >> to read!

Here's the solution! Download the 'Email Cleaner.'

Use it to keep your friends from hating your dumb ass. You can read the instructions in the "help" menu. Basically all you do is copy a messy email, paste it in the Cleaner, and click "Clean!" It will remove the carots and most of the blank spaces in of your email. Then just cut and paste it into a new email. Tada!

Download Cleaner [right click and "save as"]
You will need Winzip or some other .zip extraction program.

2) Never forward email. It's a wonderful way of giving your email address to lots of people you don't even know, and worse, you give out your friends email addresses as well. Lesson two: Always cut and paste into a new email and use the Blind Carbon Copy (BCC) field of your email. This prevents others from getting your friends email address. If everyone does this, you won't get "Reply To All" emails from Lord Baddkitty when he's in a nasty mood. Because I WILL email all of your contacts and tell them that you are an idiot. And I'll sign them all up for donkey porn ;)

3) Chain Letters: Any email that starts with, ends with, or includes "Send this to all your friends/people you love/people you care about/everyone you know" or whatever, are CRAP. 90% of your friends will grow to hate you if you send these emails to them. The other 10% are stupid and deserve to have their mailbox clogged with rediculous promises of luck, love, sex, Bill Gates' money, Coupons, or other absolute bullshit. You are only sending a lousy text file, encoded in ones and zero's via your internet connection, to another poor unsuspecting soul. There is no magic, love, or sex involved. Ever. Anyone who has tried it and noticed that their life did not change, or that they did not get laid, knows this and stopped sending them. Anyone who believes that they actually got better luck from sending one of these retarded chain mails.....well, I have some ocean front property for sale in Fargo, North Dakota. Call me. We'll work out a credit plan. And the ones that claim to operate your printer (print off a coupon) when you forward an email? Only a VIRUS can manipulate your peripherals from an email, dumbass. Go put your head in a bucket of water and wait for the aliens to tell you how smart you are.

Otherwise: Copy the cute story or good joke into the Email Cleaner (see above). Remove the carots and clean it up. Then paste it into a fresh email. Put all the addresses in the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) Field of your email. Leave out the XXX's and OOO's. Leave out the "Pass this on" crap.

Oh, and those Email snowball fights and moon wars? Those are stupid too. Don't send them to me or I will kick your stupid @$$.

4) Chain Hoaxes: Come on people! Do you really believe Disney, IBM, Bill Gates, Outback Steakhouse, Applebees, or any of the other famous chain mail icons are really going to give you something for nothing just because you forwarded an email? Not bloody likely. And you won't have good luck from forwarding it either. More than likely, all you'll do is piss off a few of your friends. Always look up anything you get from the net before forwarding it on to other unsuspecting people. Virus warnings are 90% hoax's and anything with little angels made out of XXX's and OOO's are most likely crap. In fact, anything with those annoying >>>>>carots is also probably a >>>>>hoax. If you send me that stuff, I will harvest all the email addresses from it and send all your friends an email telling them what a f---ing retard you are.